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Jolly Chrimbo 2018

5 years ago445 words

Happy Santa's Birthday! He's 2018 today. That's a lot of candles on his cake.

I think on previous years, I've written moody posts around this time, because it's a moody time for me (unlike every other time, where I am incessantly ecstatic and entirely content). I used to absolutely adore Christmas as a child - I'd look forward to it for months, couldn't sleep for excitement, that kind of thing - but now it's just any other day, or worse than any other day because I end up hiding alone from even the few 'relatives' that I have (they're my step-dad's elderly relatives, who I have no blood relation to and nothing in common with). So I miss the past, dislike the present (and don't get any presents, for that matter, though that's fine since I don't want any), and, well. Peace and love and joy and yes. At least I have a couple of days off from radiotherapy...

But I don't know. It's just getting repetitive at this point, this situation. I'm mostly just trying to find peace with it all.

I feel like this is the kind of time that people have off, so even if I'm not doing anything special, I'm not intending to achieve much over the coming days (unlike every other coming days, where I am incessantly achieving things to the point where people beg me to slow down because I'm just making so much content). Yes. Mostly I'm just writing something here because it feels wrong to not acknowledge the day at all.

I'm surprised actually that the world doesn't just shut down on Christmas day... Forums and things have posts as usual, barely even acknowledging it, if at all. I suppose that's a remnant of the thoughts I had as a child, or something. That it should be this year-defining big deal, even though to most people it's probably not. And of course people from different cultures don't acknowledge it at all. I don't even know when the Chinese New Year is.

But yes, if you do acknowledge it, then I hope that you all have a genuinely wonderful time, or at least a not-too-stressful one! I'm lonely, yes, but I hope that if you're not, then the contrast there allows you to feel greater appreciation for what you are fortunate to have.

(I'm writing this at half five in the morning because I woke up at 3; can't sleep... though not for the reasons I struggled to sleep on this day as a bright-eyed wee little tiny sprog! Then, it was excitement about getting new Lego. Now it's my irradiated brain and depression. A bit of a change there.)