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Sindrel Song - Glimmer's Life

5 years ago2,674 words

After posting ∞ the previous entry ∞ mere hours ago, I had a spark of inspiration, and I feel like I'm finally onto something with Sindrel Song's story!

I've spent the past few days in a depressive funk, with even less energy and motivation than usual, because I felt like Sindrel Song just wasn't working. Lots of thoughts about people potentially rejecting it for being too socially inappropriate for dealing with mental illness, a path that took me to the old familiar "oh just kill yourself" doorway, which is always a delight. I just posted ∞ a different entry ∞ which I wrote in this frame of mind. Well, a desperately, insecurely hopeful state rather than suicidal, I mean. I felt very lost, like I should just scrap much of what I've already made.

But I feel like a lightbulb lit up just a few minutes ago, and so much of that dreary darkness has been suddenly cleared away by it. A real eureka moment! My ideas are still fresh and unrefined, but I want to share what I've got because it makes a lot of what I talked about in the previous post no longer completely relevant. Also, I imagine writing these ideas out will help me to develop them.

Basically, my original intention was to make the primary theme of Sindrel Song mental illness. Glimmer is mentally ill, and all her interactions revolve around her being mentally ill, so it'd appeal to people who were mentally ill. Since mental illness is common, I hoped that'd speak to a large audience, but it's also uncomfortable for a lot of people, so it seemed prone to potential controversy, which had already appeared in the few comments these blog posts get.

I think that rather than focusing on mental illness, the primary theme of the story should just be life. I mean, it already was a key theme of the game to a large degree, but I was thinking of it in a mostly static sense - like "why is life so haaard? D:" - which doesn't really make sense with the lore because sindrels' lives are so rapid and brief.

I wrote in the previous post about how each stage, each song, each interaction with a new sindrel, would introduce some new insecurity into Glimmer's mind, which she'd explore through introspection between the stages. I still want to include that, sort of, but for them to sort of depict a journey through life. Thankfully the arrangement of the wintrels that I've got so far works quite well for this! I shall explain...

If you don't want to know what the plot might be like before playing it, maybe you'd prefer not to read this, but I think that comparing what I eventually come up with to this initial thought-dump would be more likely to add to the experience than take away from it!



The game would begin with a black void, in which a tiny white glimmer of light begins to shine. It grows, and music increases in volume as it does, until it eventually fills the whole screen with whiteness. This whiteness fades to Glimmer waking up in her tent, into her life, for the very first time. (Sindrels enter into the world through a dream as their consciousness starts up in a fully-grown brain, and their first word, which they say as they wake, is something they saw in their dream, and that becomes their name. So that's why she's called Glimmer.)

After looking at herself and the world - "what are these wiggly things oh apparently they're arms and I know that somehow and know what knowing is and also that these are words and I understand them, wow!" - she'd be checked up on by Hearth, and maybe Remedy, who'd found her lying on a beach, and had looked after her; they're pleased to see she's actually alive!

After the initial intro scene, she'd be able to visit Hearth to ask about lore, or Remedy's stage, for the first song. The personalities I already have for these two characters would work well for the role of father and mother, respectively. Hearth is the wise one who - kindly but somewhat impersonally - explains the lore of the world to Glimmer, while Remedy is a nurturing nurse who talks about how she'll always be there to look after Glimmer if she needs it. Remedy started off this way, conceptually, because I was basing their personalities on the runes and she was the Feeling one, and I thought she'd be a good first partner for a new player because she's soothing and encouraging, she eases them into the experience of singing. I was struggling to think of what mental illness insecurity she could evoke in Glimmer, but I think it'd work well if instead this bit represented the innocence of childhood. Glimmer is looked after and guided, and doesn't have to find her own way really. It's a nice start to the world, and when she introspects at the first day's end, she's largely content, though her symboliote (I'll just call it her 'mind') expresses worries about where things might go from here. Glimmer successfully singing a song with a sindrel is essentially the same as befriending it, so completing one is 'making friends' with that sindrel. Glimmer's glad to have made a friend here in Remedy, but worries about the fact that she won't be accompanying her from here on, much like childhood friends might not come with us past the beginning we spent together.

Next, she'd travel to meet Hammer, who's meant to represent the sort of high-achiever who sees everything as a challenge to be won. He's attractive and very successful in sindrel terms. Glimmer's quite pink, and therefore attractive, since sindrels' skin pigment determines sexual appeal, so in the dialogue I've already got, Hammer pretty much flirts with her (a little bit; mostly he boasts about his successes and encourages a tough 'everything must be won' attitude, which he says is what got him to where he is now). I was going to have the insecurity this evokes revolve around life/job/success comparison - "I'll never be that good!" - or perhaps inability to face challenges - "he's overcome so much but I just can't!" - but I think it'd work well if this bit represented the insecurity of the teenage years. Glimmer finds that she's shy in the face of this proud, impressive imi, and she wants to have her gem charged by him but hasn't the courage to say anything at all. Nervously, she says something she considers 'stupid', and he, representing the Tough personality rune, doesn't sugarcoat his judgemental reaction. Since he's apparently so impressive and she made a big mistake in front of him, in her introspection later she beats herself up about that a lot. "How could someone like THAT like someone like ME?" So it represents what time at school feels like for the 'losers' who are shot down when aiming for what they want to achieve, either in terms of relationships or even academic achievements. Many of us never grow out of that mindset due to mental illness, but even 'normal' people might be able to relate to it when it's presented in this kind of context.

For the third stage, Glimmer is reluctant to venture out at all because she feels she'll only embarrass herself. She does, though, and meets Dolour, who's moody and depressive; his whole thing is that he wonders whether it was a good thing to choose not to die, since his six days of life were such a failure, and nothing's changed since then. He was a loser then, he's still a loser now. Maybe death might be the better option anyway, he says. But he's uncertain about it. Glimmer could find a sense of rapport with him, but he could represent falling into the wrong crowd, into wallowing in misery, turning to drugs and drink and spending nights sighing and masturbating and wishing to die. Seems a lot of people would relate to that. It's interesting that it comes after the insecurity of the school years, too; "I failed then, so I might as well give up". So there's no clash between Glimmer and Dolour, they get along in their misery, but that might not be for the best, and in her introspection after the stage she's quite depressive (I could probably do that quite comically actually, like maybe her mind has been really, ridiculously emo-fied, and she tries to struggle against it before eventually just giving in with a sigh). I suppose this would be like an extension of the teenage years too, or more like a rocky transition into young adulthood.

Melody, the next sindrel, is upbeat; her thing is that she's 'always smiling', and has never let adversity get her down (she's the Jolly rune). She loved singing more than anything during her six days, but she lost her voice during her first winter. Rather than letting that destroy her, she learned instead how to make instruments for herself and the other wintrels. That allowed them all to share music, even the imis, who couldn't sing before (only owas can). In many ways, then, she's like those inspirational TED Talk people, who are disabled in some way but go on about how they're now CEO of some huge Mount Everest-climbing business or something. She also represents the 'just smile, just be happy!' attitude that the world conditions so many of us to have. So the interaction with her is like an entry into the Real World, an attempt to cope with life's despair through self-help, therapy and medication ("smile!"), trying to achieve something, wearing a gleeful mask. Glimmer puts on a happy front for Melody to convince her it's really helping, but her mind constantly says things Melody can't hear about how much of a struggle it all is. In her introspection afterwards, Glimmer could conclude that she can't do it, she can't cope in this happy world. Not in a suicidal way, but with a weary sigh.

Next is Course, who's defined by her feelings of being lost; she doesn't know what to do with her extended life, especially since she can no longer reproduce. Perhaps this could evoke feelings of disappointment in Glimmer for never successfully having children (she never had any imis charge her gem, after all), and it's too late now, so what's the point in going on? More than that, though, it could represent the feelings of being lost that many young people might be familiar with, of not knowing what to do with our lives, of the pressure of it all and the allure of just retreating, giving up. Glimmer is openly friendly with Course, but in her introspection, she dwells on how lost she feels, how hopeless. If the wintrels feel so lost after surviving death, what hope does she have?

Finally, there's Hearth, who's introduced at the beginning, but who serves as the sixth and final song, because I like that ∞ book-ends ∞ kind of thing. I've not talked much about his song or shown it in any form, but the main melody has the lyrics "Life is worth living - even the darkest weather, the bleakest winter, need not extinguish our hearts' warm light" (no matter bad things get, we can get through them; we needn't be killed by the dark times). Hearth is the one who discovered a way to transcend the normal sindrel circle of warm life followed by wintry death; he effectively sacrificed his own six days of life to find a way for others to extend theirs. So obviously he believes that life is worth living. It could be here that Hearth properly makes his offer to Glimmer, to allow her to stay with him and the other wintrels throughout the winter. Rather than exploring a specific relatable theme as such, this could be more of an overlook of all that's come before, with Glimmer ultimately deciding that she's broken beyond repair and would only be a burden to others if she were to inflict her presence on them anymore. They try to convince her to stay with them, but she's adamant, and retreats to her tent as the winter looms.

Alone, and with the darkness falling, Glimmer introspects one final time. She gives up on life and the world, and falls into a kind of defeated rest (sindrels don't actually sleep because their lives are so short). She finds herself floating in the same black void that the game began with, alone. A song begins, this time with the partner being her own mind rather than another sindrel. The song would be a reflection of what she's experienced in life, starting with defeated negativity, before remembering the wintrels one by one, realising how much she'd learned about them, how much they'd miss her and she'd miss them. It'd be a gradual ramp up, culminating in what I'd hope would be a fulfilling climax. Realising that life is indeed worth living, Glimmer would jump up and rush to Hearth's cave, where everyone else had gathered to endure the winter, saying that she wants to live with them, to live with them, to which they're all very pleased. Yay. The end.



I like this, because it literally begins with Glimmer being 'born' (in the sindrel sense, at least), and follows her as she tries to work out this Life thing she's been nonconsensually cast into, and whether or not she wants to stay. You're there for the whole journey. She moves through the innocence of childhood, through teenage rejection and anxiety, a slump of defeat, a stressful attempt to 'be happy', a feeling of loss of direction, and ultimately an assessment of the whole thing as a gauntlet she can't survive in, before using the same singing she used to befriend the others to make friends with her own mind, literally making peace with her demons to make life worth living. It's the kind of thing that'd definitely move me a lot if I were to play it.

Mental illness in media is common and relevant to the current Zeitgeist, as I talked about in the previous post, but so too is this feeling of being a lost loser among young millenials. It's everywhere I look. So I feel that something like that would speak to a lot of people.



I feel like presenting what I'm trying to do like that might be seen as spoilery, but I wanted to do so for a few reasons. One is that if you're one of the few who are following the development of this game, you're probably already in quite deep, and I thought it'd be interesting to share the process as it develops like this. Also, though, I feel like the way I've portrayed this game might have been quite off-putting, if it's about mental illness and alien reproduction. Suicidal furry porn, as I said a couple of times in the previous post.

I feel like this might make it seem less unappealing though. Maybe. Possibly more relatable? It's very much in the brainstorming phase and subject to drastic change of course, so what I end up with might veer of this track quite a bit, but I do feel like I'm finally onto something, I'm finally getting somewhere, and that's quite exciting! I feel a buzz of energy and hope that I haven't felt in a while.

The challenge now is actually turning these ideas into working dialogue...

I'm unsure whether to stick with the idea I've already incorporated, where you unlock bits of each character's backstory by completing their stages to a certain percentage. I might, but it makes it tricky to have dialogue influence the story when it's optional. I'll have to think about how to handle that.