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Posts relating to Depression :

Tobias
10194 17 194

The Struggle

Posted by A Tobias 11 months ago
It's been a long time since my last post here. Quite frankly, I've been struggling a lot recently with crippling depression... which isn't new for me, but which was certainly worsened by finding out that I have a brain tumour. I don't want to say that I've given up being creative; I've spent such a large chunk of my life making things that I can't imagine not doing that anymore. But making games alone is hard and potentially fruitless work, and my failure to connect with other people is really getting in the way of everything.
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Tobias
3534 9 111

I Didn't Die

Posted by A Tobias 1 year ago
I'm currently recovering from brain surgery, which I had last week. Things like this shake up life a lot... but now that it's over for the moment (but not for good), I feel a bit lost. I've been trying to get back to games development, though, so I'd like to write a bit about that here.
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Tobias
2414 28 67

Still Alive...

Posted by A Tobias 2 years ago
It's been a while since I last updated this place. It's not that I've done no work on games; I just haven't been able to muster up the energy to write blog posts here! I've been struggling to cope with life, though. I found out there's something wrong with my brain. I've come close to suicide. I wrote about it all in ∞ my personal blog ∞. I'm trying to use this all as inspiration... Seeing my current phase of inactivity as a time for a meaningful idea to form rather than rushing into something half-heartedly.
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Tobias
1974 32 65

Juggling!

Posted by A Tobias 2 years ago
Agh, sorry about not making fast progress on my games or posting things here recently! I'm not used to having anything resembling a Life, so now that I am getting out almost every day, I'm not doing a particularly good job of handling everything at once. The biggest impediment to progress has been depression, though. I feel at least that I'm improving my life conditions - slowly but surely - so hopefully soon I'll be able to get back on track. Anyway, I'll write here about my plans, what I'm up to, etc.
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Tobias
1170 6 66

Happy Jolly Lovely Chrimbo

Posted by A Tobias 2 years ago
When prisoners - who are already in prison - misbehave and need to be punished, they're placed in solitary confinement, deprived of any human contact. It's basically a form of torture. I'm spending Christmas alone. I've been alone all week, and I will be all next week too. On that cheery note, merry Christmas to you all!!! My gift to you is the Android version of Taming Dreams, which I released yesterday, as you can see from the ∞ previous post ∞!
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Tobias
2181 18 110

The end of the beginning

Posted by A Tobias 2 years ago
I've not updated this site in ages, and I've not released Taming Dreams either! I'd like to talk about the personal reasons for these things here, then I'll probably write another post later about the more technical aspects of what I plan to do with Taming Dreams (I've certainly not abandoned it; I've simply been very distracted). Also, here's a self-portrait that I painted the other day.
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Tobias
2372 19 112

How I'm Doing

Posted by A Tobias 2 years ago
The comments on the previous post made me aware that I've not actually ~talked about my feelings~ in a while, so I've not made it clear how I'm doing on a personal level. It's not that I'm trying to hide anything or put on a brave face; I simply haven't had the time! I'm working absurdly long hours at the moment in a rush to finish episode 3 - essentially from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep - and when I'm not working, I just want to rest and relax, which doesn't involve typing things. I'll probably cover quite a lot of things here, though!
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Tobias
1794 1 171

Be Yourself

Posted by A Tobias 2 years ago
MARDEK's still coming along well, and I'm still doing a lot of work on the mobile port every day. I want to make that clear before talking about anything else. It's just taking time, since, well, things do take time, it would seem! But it's probably taking longer than it otherwise might because I've been battling against my inner demons for the last week or two, despite the 'inner peace' I discovered at the start of the year. I thought it might help to write out some thoughts about what I'm going through, and how my recent discoveries shine a new light onto these familiar thoughts and feelings.
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Tobias
1741 2 104

The Haunting Night

Posted by A Tobias 3 years ago
I have been 'at peace' for these last few weeks, and my inner and outer worlds have been changing significantly due to this... However, unfortunately, being at peace isn't the same as being happy. Negative thoughts still have the power to creep in, though a peaceful outlook enables you to handle inner darkness without being consumed by it.
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Tobias
1841 1 119

Enlightenment

Posted by A Tobias 3 years ago
I wrote this to post elsewhere, but I thought I might as well post it here, too. It reiterates some concepts I've covered in previous entries, and expands on others. In summary, it speaks of a spiritual shift I've undergone recently; a raising of consciousness, and how you might undergo the same thing yourself.
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