I went to a Mindfulness class thing, and afterwards was reminded of how even minor positive real-world experiences can turn my inner world from night to day. I got wondering what I could pursue to get this more often... READ MORE
I've been unable to work for the past few days due to dogsitting, though I've been unusually social via phone calls with friends. Also: canine social networking, R-CPD as a possible explanation for my lifelong inability to burp and recent chest pain, an intriguing game called Cocoon, a film called Marcel the Shell with Shoes On, and Patreon porn profits. READ MORE
I had the fifth session of the Counselling Skills course yesterday. I left before it ended, and I'm unsure whether or not to continue with the other 10 sessions. READ MORE
The third class of this Counselling skills course didn't go as badly as I dreaded it might, mostly due to revising my expectations. Also, a brief account of exactly why I've been trapped in a pit, and which mental conditions I believe I do or don't have. READ MORE
Some venting of anxiety I feel about the second counselling class later today. I feel like I'm the alien in the group. I don't mind being an alien, I just wish I could meet another alien to hide away from it all together with. READ MORE
While AI can produce high-quality art quickly, in my experience, art's value comes from the creation process, at least in the sense of personal pride. Also, I've been losing sleep over doubts about the social dice roll I'll be making next week... READ MORE
2023's dead! Did I use it well? Ehh. I made a bunch of stuff, but I didn't complete any big projects like I would have wanted to. Mostly I felt lost, and frustrated by how my efforts seeking help to slow my descent into complete madness failed to really bear fruit at all. READ MORE
I finally feel like I have some vague idea of what kind of life might allow me to continue making stuff while paying the bills and not going (even more) insane?? READ MORE
I got back to this side project last week! Now I'm planning to focus it around an 'evil' council not unlike MARDEK's Governance de Magi. Also, Unity bug and counselling-related awkwardness. READ MORE
I had my 'first' (of this latest run, at least) counselling session, at long last!! (I can't remember how many times I've been through this process in the past!) READ MORE
I'll finally be seeing someone again about my crippling mental issues! I got a tin whistle! I replayed Memody: Sindrel Song for the first time in years and found it very moving! READ MORE
Ugh, yet another week where I've made no worthwhile progress on game dev projects, largely due to frustrations about the mental health 'help' I've been getting. READ MORE
I'm much older than I'd like. I met a friend, for the first time in almost two years! I also met someone who was supposed to help with my disconnection from society... READ MORE
I spent this week trying to tackle some things I'd been avoiding, including posting my music on YouTube, which I've finally started doing after talking about that for years!! I also spent a lot of time both on and waiting for phone calls. READ MORE
New Year's Resolutions! A chance for a life revision, as I see it. How well did I achieve last year's? And what do I hope for from this year? READ MORE
Some venting about the Avoidant and Dependent Personality Disorders that likely hinder me, awkward phone calls with friends, embarrassment while dog walking, and how much of a mental mess I generally am. READ MORE
I haven't written a personal post in a while, so here's some rambling about a cold I have, my fruitful efforts to break through my reluctance to use Reddit, friendship and relative loneliness, and buying Lego to rekindle childhood joy! READ MORE
I got back to work on Atonal Dreams this week, which has been... mixed. A slow, frustrating start, and then various obstacles got in the way, so I wasn't able to get as much done as I wanted (a recurring story, that). One big recurring obstacle was my computer being even laggier than usual, so I've been thinking yet again about replacing it! I'm clueless about hardware though... READ MORE
I'M MENTALLY ILL. Did you know that?? I might not have mentioned it hundreds of times before, I forget. It's been worse than usual this week, so here's some venting about money woes, and how toxic communities have and continue to exacerbate the social anxiety that's already prevented me from seizing so many opportunities... READ MORE
A bit of a diary entry: I had another video call with a friend which was way less awkward than the last, which gave me some social confidence though I'm still paranoid of being noticed and judged, and I composed six short piano pieces this week - and have an album of 18 more from between 2012 and 2019 - but it's a shame that's not really a marketable thing that people would care about! READ MORE
I didn't do any work this week, as I said in last week's post would be the plan, so here's a personal post about all the exciting things I got up to instead!! I was meant to meet a friend, but didn't! I was meant to do a video call with a different friend, and did! I want to find somewhere to move out to, but have no idea where to even start looking! READ MORE
I saw this video the other day, in which a just-starting indie dev interviews another who claims to be earning six figures a year from what started as solo games dev, and felt it was worth a post of its own! READ MORE
Did you know that Toby Fox composed a music track for Pokemon Sword & Shield? Because I didn't, and when I found out, I felt so weirdly envious about it! But why?? READ MORE
I don't follow anyone on Twitter, but I should start following some other indie devs so I feel less alone in walking this path! Any suggestions? READ MORE
I'd like to build the Discord I set up a while back into an actual community, but if you're interested in joining that, what would you want from it? READ MORE
I've been looking into setting up a Discord server, and dusting off my old Patreon account, finally, in preparation for MARDEK's Steam release tomorrow! READ MORE
Hello! Work on the MARDEK Re-release didn't go so well this week, but I have something to work with now. Also, it seems a lot of people are reaching out to people they might not have spoken to in a while during this quarantine, though I'm aware of how much my communication skills have degraded due to isolation. READ MORE
Porting MARDEK to Steam has been frustrating and so far fruitless; here's a bit of venting about it, to let you know how it's going and to relieve my own stress! READ MORE
You know what time it is? It's time to write another blog post about how I don't have the time to do anything other than work on the game I'm making! Also I probably maybe possibly will start up a Patreon, though I need to do some more research first (and I'm concerned about time)... READ MORE
Depression's reared its heavy, leaden head these past few days. I've got stuff done despite it, but it's still annoying! Also, the attention my posts get is reducing over time rather than increasing. How do people - including YOU, dear, beloved reader - actually hear about games and keep up about their releases? READ MORE
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