The reason I haven't been commenting on any of this is because I know nothing about promotion! I don't want to potentially give you bad or misleading advice by just randomly running my mouth off.
I can tell you about my subjective feelings on these descriptions, though. I feel like, had I not known about this game prior, I would probably overlook it based on the current descriptions. I'm not exactly sure why, though. They somehow evoke a feeling of something more like a visual novel that's shallow in the gameplay department *and* worldbuilding, focusing on more ephemeral or moralistic things and using terms that it expects you to know without properly explaining them. Or something! I'm not sure why they evoke such an association for me. Perhaps because the language is very flowery rather than more to-the-point? The "old" description, conversely, seems much more enticing to me.
Hm, maybe it's not so much that the language is flowery, but that it feels impersonal, like it's trying to sell me something; while the old description feels more "vivid" or genuine... hard to say.
2
Tobias 1104~3Y
This is the kind of feedback I was hoping to hear! I genuinely have no idea what would draw people in or not.
Maybe what I should do is just wait until some people have played it, then ask them what they'd mention if they were recommending the game to someone?
It's also tough though to paint a compelling picture in so few words!
I can tell you about my subjective feelings on these descriptions, though. I feel like, had I not known about this game prior, I would probably overlook it based on the current descriptions. I'm not exactly sure why, though. They somehow evoke a feeling of something more like a visual novel that's shallow in the gameplay department *and* worldbuilding, focusing on more ephemeral or moralistic things and using terms that it expects you to know without properly explaining them. Or something! I'm not sure why they evoke such an association for me. Perhaps because the language is very flowery rather than more to-the-point? The "old" description, conversely, seems much more enticing to me.
Hm, maybe it's not so much that the language is flowery, but that it feels impersonal, like it's trying to sell me something; while the old description feels more "vivid" or genuine... hard to say.
Maybe what I should do is just wait until some people have played it, then ask them what they'd mention if they were recommending the game to someone?
It's also tough though to paint a compelling picture in so few words!