I got lucky in finding someone who accepts me for who I am and loves me despite my flaws and issues, so I find it's similar to a comment Bo Burnham made in an interview about fame / etc. about how it's stupid to take advice from someone who got lucky - like a lottery winner saying 'liquidise your assets, buy lottery tickets, it really works!', but some thing I've done to avoid some of the paralyzing fears that I used to have earlier in life *might* help you... In any case you have my sympathy and I really hope things get better for you - but having followed you for a long time I know there hasn't been much movement on that front. You're a lot more open about these things than you were when I joined Fighunter all those years ago, and I can only say that in itself is a form of progress.
I always make lists of things now, processes to go through step by step, because if I forget something that panic and shame rises and I feel like I'm taking a step back from any progress I've made in being confident and sociable (I have a job that relies on having at least some rapport with strangers, which is still extremely difficult). Very granular, process oriented tasks seem cathartic to me now, I do a fair bit of cooking and baking and it helps me in the same way I've heard that meditation works for others (but I've never had any luck with meditation myself).
Sharing interests can be a good foundation for relationships, but it doesn't have to be. Attitude and behaviour can be just as effective similarities to have with someone to forge a relationship. My partner and I had fairly few common interests when we met, and though through exposure we now share a lot of them (as we've adopted each others to a degree over time), it was our similar ways of expressing ourselves and being open to the thoughts, feelings, and passions of each other that lay the foundation for something.
For me, it was putting myself 'out there' that was always difficult. I was never very introspective and didn't understand why I did things in the way that I did, and I disliked myself for my flaws for a long time (some of which were treatable as mental illness after they were identified). I pushed myself in highschool to get into drama and acting (with help from my mum, who was a drama teacher) because being someone else was more attractive than my fear of public speaking or making a mistake. Practice meant I could pretend to be someone *anyone* would like, but it took me years to realise that I was just poisoning myself and becoming less as the mask I wore became more. I dreaded the thought of anyone getting to know me because I didn't really know who I was, and they might end up hating what I was deep down. I realised, after a very long time that the people I wanted to please, and wanted to like me were just as flawed in their own way - and I needed to be open an honest with those around me, and if they hated me I could examine why, and then make my own choices from there.
There's value in honesty, a lesson I think I learned from you. I know it's hard to pick yourself up, and every blow can leave you a little less than you were before, but you're still here, and you're still picking yourself up - and I admire you for it.
In more practical 'where to go from here' options I can only say that the more connections you make, the higher chance you'll have of meeting the right person or people. Maybe something like internet dating (on a more serious platform than something like tindr) might show some results? The anonymity can lessen the blow of rejection, but I don't think anything can prevent it completely.
It goes back to my process oriented task thing, but every time I check something off or I do something right I feel better about myself. I can and do succeed even if it's just a tiny step on a low priority task.
I hope you know that you have a few ardent fans who are wishing you all the best.
I always make lists of things now, processes to go through step by step, because if I forget something that panic and shame rises and I feel like I'm taking a step back from any progress I've made in being confident and sociable (I have a job that relies on having at least some rapport with strangers, which is still extremely difficult). Very granular, process oriented tasks seem cathartic to me now, I do a fair bit of cooking and baking and it helps me in the same way I've heard that meditation works for others (but I've never had any luck with meditation myself).
Sharing interests can be a good foundation for relationships, but it doesn't have to be. Attitude and behaviour can be just as effective similarities to have with someone to forge a relationship. My partner and I had fairly few common interests when we met, and though through exposure we now share a lot of them (as we've adopted each others to a degree over time), it was our similar ways of expressing ourselves and being open to the thoughts, feelings, and passions of each other that lay the foundation for something.
For me, it was putting myself 'out there' that was always difficult. I was never very introspective and didn't understand why I did things in the way that I did, and I disliked myself for my flaws for a long time (some of which were treatable as mental illness after they were identified). I pushed myself in highschool to get into drama and acting (with help from my mum, who was a drama teacher) because being someone else was more attractive than my fear of public speaking or making a mistake. Practice meant I could pretend to be someone *anyone* would like, but it took me years to realise that I was just poisoning myself and becoming less as the mask I wore became more. I dreaded the thought of anyone getting to know me because I didn't really know who I was, and they might end up hating what I was deep down. I realised, after a very long time that the people I wanted to please, and wanted to like me were just as flawed in their own way - and I needed to be open an honest with those around me, and if they hated me I could examine why, and then make my own choices from there.
There's value in honesty, a lesson I think I learned from you. I know it's hard to pick yourself up, and every blow can leave you a little less than you were before, but you're still here, and you're still picking yourself up - and I admire you for it.
In more practical 'where to go from here' options I can only say that the more connections you make, the higher chance you'll have of meeting the right person or people. Maybe something like internet dating (on a more serious platform than something like tindr) might show some results? The anonymity can lessen the blow of rejection, but I don't think anything can prevent it completely.
It goes back to my process oriented task thing, but every time I check something off or I do something right I feel better about myself. I can and do succeed even if it's just a tiny step on a low priority task.
I hope you know that you have a few ardent fans who are wishing you all the best.