The site looks good on mobile, much better than it used to!
"Atonal Dreams is a story-driven RPG set in a lore-rich world, with a novel musical battle system where you can tame your opponents to join your side as allies, and later summon them to use as levellable skills."
Levellable skills doesn't really add anything here. Being able to summon them is the important part I think, better to leave some mystery than to have an unreal clarification.
"Centuries ago, the gods who dreamed Alora Fane into being were slaughtered by a blasphemer among their 'barbari' children, a beast known as Blight the Betrayer, casting the world into a nightmare."
Putting barbari there makes things less clear again, there's already enough eye-catching terms in that little blurb.
"The game takes place across several dungeon-like areas filled with standard JRPG fare such as loot, story scenes, and turn-based battles."
I know your angle here is the known and comfortable, but "standard fare" is a pretty negative way to go about it.
"The relatively fewer, more deliberate battles stress strategy, with a big focus on manipulating states to boost effectiveness."
Manipulating states to boost effectiveness?
"I'll need to look into promoting and marketing to gain funding before continuing... but that's absolutely not my forte, so I find it very daunting!"
This is true, but it's not relevant to your game pitch.
I did read your whole about section! But as someone who's been following you for well over a decade now, all of it is already familiar to me. Most of anything I felt a sense of pity, I wish that you could've had a healthy upbringing... Every child deserves that, it's sad that so many go without one.
I don't really think about my personal narrative at all, I don't feel like there's even much exciting to talk about. Your certainly has a lot more going on! I'm averse to thinking about it even, or thinking too much about the future... The present is much more comfortable. I just wish that special someone could be closer to me.
All I keep instead are those yearly blogs where I talk about the games I've played. I'd include personal sections if there was more to write about, but in many ways I'm in the same place I was in 3 years ago!
I wouldn't want Pokémon to look like every other hyperrealistic open world game. I'd rather it go back to looking like how it did in Black/White and X/Y... The series has gotten less stylized and more realistic since with its world and character design, and with Scarlet/Violet is seems to have fully embraced that trend.
I always have liked object-mons! They're by and large more inspired by much of the early dex that's regional bird/rodent/bug filler stuff, repetitive archetypes that come back time and time again every new generation.
There is a lot of toxicity and hostility in the Pokémon sphere, but a lot of it is also directed against any and all criticism of the series. A lot of people insist on this mandated positivity and threaten and belittle dissenting thoughts. It's better you just avoid it altogether, some fandoms just absolutely cannot be civil. Nintendo fans are especially bad about this.
Funny thing about the evolution methods, there were whole threads of people trying to figure out how to evolve some Pokémon as the games leaked. There are again some really dumb ones, though I won't spoil them. I have to wonder whether this is their intention, that people have to work together to figure things out. Though in practice, it just means having to look it up online, or buying a guide if those are still even a thing companies make.
I always like going into things knowing what to expect, I always start my runs with a team fully planned out, distributed in such a way that I can acquire them at a decent pace and such. In that sense leak season is almost as good as playing the game itself.
I'd play CBC on Steam!
1
Tobias 1104~1Y
I appreciate the specific critiques of the blurbs' wording! I read this comment days ago and thought "I'll make those changes then reply so I don't forget", but I've not been able to focus well at all, and still can't so... ehh. I just hope I don't forget.
How would you reword the 'standard fare' and 'manipulating states' bits, or what would you say instead?
I've also been thinking over the past few days about you saying the about page evokes pity (at least for you)... and how I've been doing that for a while, perhaps all my life? I don't feel that I can impress, but I try instead for pity as the only alternative I believe I'm capable of? Or something like that?
I've also been thinking about how you could say people of my general type of mind - who I suppose could be grouped as 'left wing' in today's climate - use pity in order to try and get support. "I'm struggling, I'm suffering, I'm a victim, oppressed, disadvantaged, I need help"... or maybe that's different in that it involves some oppressor while I see myself as the fault? Or something?? I don't know!
I wonder whether my obsession with the whole personal narrative thing is because I've moved around so much, never by my own decision, so it divides my life into separate chunks. If you've lived in the same place - even the same house - all your life, as I suppose many (most?) people have, then I can imagine it wouldn't be as big of a thing!
If you feel like you've only been stuck in the same rut for 3 years, I'd say that's better at least than feeling you're in the same place you were over a decade ago, as I have been doing recently! (Or maybe worse, since I actually talked to people online back then...)
I can't say I'm a fan of the open world thing everyone is doing, or the realism... though I'm glad the character and creature designs in Pokemon remain as stylised as ever.
You'd think Nintendo - a company who makes family-friendly games - would inspire more positive communities! But I suppose I can see how that enforced positivity - the first I've heard of that - would only bring out the worst in people who are disagreeable contrarians by nature. Maybe it could be said that something similar was a reason Fig Hunter turned so toxic. Me trying to enforce certain 'good' behaviours.
I don't know how many of the new Pokemon I've seen - or 'discovered', as is my preference - but so far the evolution methods haven't been that bad. A surprising number of elemental (or 'typed'?) stones, mostly level-ups, some that require learning a new move but that happens at level up anyway so it barely feels different. Out of frustration I checked Bulbapedia and saw that a few require me to use the walk-around feature - which is sort of annoying because I'd actually tried that for quite a while with at least one of the right Pokemon, just not enough apparently! - and one requires me to have in-person friends, which I really hate because I've wanted a dolphin Pokemon for years and its evolution is called Serafin (I think?) but I can't get it!
At least nothing seems as bad as the ludicrous method for evolving into... that alternate Yamask evolution I can't recall the exact name of (Runeregis or something?). I saw that Gimmighoul requires me to collect 999 coins, which is annoying, but I suppose it at least makes some sense.
I'll be investigating any others as I try to train them though and am still trying to avoid all spoilers!
1
Maniafig219~1Y
For 'standard face', something like 'classic staples' sounds a lot more positive. For 'manipulating states', maybe reword it into something like "The relatively fewer, more deliberate battles stress strategy, with a big focus on managing risk and reward.", as that's what a lot of the mechanics amount to.
I think you've also done very impressive things! Few people can claim they've released several games, one that was as popular as MARDEK and one that was developed while recovering from a brain tumour.
I'm not sure what you're getting at with the next bit. People saying they're struggling and need help and evoking pity is common to every type of people asking for change. Not much different from big business owners crying into their wads of cash about how hard business has been and how they need lower taxes and bigger bailouts.
The open world thing is something that irks me, as that's the one thing people praise most about it, even through everything about the idea puts me off! Every step away from the grid-based, chunks of content that the old games used to have takes me out of the series.
Enforced positivity, or the compulsive need to 'avoid any and all drama' are pretty common in a lot of fandoms, and it's usually annoying. They stifle interesting and deep conversation, like if someone came into your blog and told you to cheer up and be happy. This happened recently in a Discord server I'm in, where every few hours a person would pop in and complain about how negative and whiny everybody was being, when everybody but him was having a good time.
You've already found the worst offenders with weird evolutions. Not as bad as the gen 8 ones, but I wish the game would help people out with this more. In Black/White 2 there was an NPC you could call who'd flat out tell you whether Pokémon can evolve, and if yes, how. GAME FREAK always does this thing where they put a good idea in their game and then it never comes back!
"Atonal Dreams is a story-driven RPG set in a lore-rich world, with a novel musical battle system where you can tame your opponents to join your side as allies, and later summon them to use as levellable skills."
Levellable skills doesn't really add anything here. Being able to summon them is the important part I think, better to leave some mystery than to have an unreal clarification.
"Centuries ago, the gods who dreamed Alora Fane into being were slaughtered by a blasphemer among their 'barbari' children, a beast known as Blight the Betrayer, casting the world into a nightmare."
Putting barbari there makes things less clear again, there's already enough eye-catching terms in that little blurb.
"The game takes place across several dungeon-like areas filled with standard JRPG fare such as loot, story scenes, and turn-based battles."
I know your angle here is the known and comfortable, but "standard fare" is a pretty negative way to go about it.
"The relatively fewer, more deliberate battles stress strategy, with a big focus on manipulating states to boost effectiveness."
Manipulating states to boost effectiveness?
"I'll need to look into promoting and marketing to gain funding before continuing... but that's absolutely not my forte, so I find it very daunting!"
This is true, but it's not relevant to your game pitch.
I did read your whole about section! But as someone who's been following you for well over a decade now, all of it is already familiar to me. Most of anything I felt a sense of pity, I wish that you could've had a healthy upbringing... Every child deserves that, it's sad that so many go without one.
I don't really think about my personal narrative at all, I don't feel like there's even much exciting to talk about. Your certainly has a lot more going on! I'm averse to thinking about it even, or thinking too much about the future... The present is much more comfortable. I just wish that special someone could be closer to me.
All I keep instead are those yearly blogs where I talk about the games I've played. I'd include personal sections if there was more to write about, but in many ways I'm in the same place I was in 3 years ago!
I wouldn't want Pokémon to look like every other hyperrealistic open world game. I'd rather it go back to looking like how it did in Black/White and X/Y... The series has gotten less stylized and more realistic since with its world and character design, and with Scarlet/Violet is seems to have fully embraced that trend.
I always have liked object-mons! They're by and large more inspired by much of the early dex that's regional bird/rodent/bug filler stuff, repetitive archetypes that come back time and time again every new generation.
There is a lot of toxicity and hostility in the Pokémon sphere, but a lot of it is also directed against any and all criticism of the series. A lot of people insist on this mandated positivity and threaten and belittle dissenting thoughts. It's better you just avoid it altogether, some fandoms just absolutely cannot be civil. Nintendo fans are especially bad about this.
Funny thing about the evolution methods, there were whole threads of people trying to figure out how to evolve some Pokémon as the games leaked. There are again some really dumb ones, though I won't spoil them. I have to wonder whether this is their intention, that people have to work together to figure things out. Though in practice, it just means having to look it up online, or buying a guide if those are still even a thing companies make.
I always like going into things knowing what to expect, I always start my runs with a team fully planned out, distributed in such a way that I can acquire them at a decent pace and such. In that sense leak season is almost as good as playing the game itself.
I'd play CBC on Steam!
How would you reword the 'standard fare' and 'manipulating states' bits, or what would you say instead?
I've also been thinking over the past few days about you saying the about page evokes pity (at least for you)... and how I've been doing that for a while, perhaps all my life? I don't feel that I can impress, but I try instead for pity as the only alternative I believe I'm capable of? Or something like that?
I've also been thinking about how you could say people of my general type of mind - who I suppose could be grouped as 'left wing' in today's climate - use pity in order to try and get support. "I'm struggling, I'm suffering, I'm a victim, oppressed, disadvantaged, I need help"... or maybe that's different in that it involves some oppressor while I see myself as the fault? Or something?? I don't know!
I wonder whether my obsession with the whole personal narrative thing is because I've moved around so much, never by my own decision, so it divides my life into separate chunks. If you've lived in the same place - even the same house - all your life, as I suppose many (most?) people have, then I can imagine it wouldn't be as big of a thing!
If you feel like you've only been stuck in the same rut for 3 years, I'd say that's better at least than feeling you're in the same place you were over a decade ago, as I have been doing recently! (Or maybe worse, since I actually talked to people online back then...)
I can't say I'm a fan of the open world thing everyone is doing, or the realism... though I'm glad the character and creature designs in Pokemon remain as stylised as ever.
You'd think Nintendo - a company who makes family-friendly games - would inspire more positive communities! But I suppose I can see how that enforced positivity - the first I've heard of that - would only bring out the worst in people who are disagreeable contrarians by nature. Maybe it could be said that something similar was a reason Fig Hunter turned so toxic. Me trying to enforce certain 'good' behaviours.
I don't know how many of the new Pokemon I've seen - or 'discovered', as is my preference - but so far the evolution methods haven't been that bad. A surprising number of elemental (or 'typed'?) stones, mostly level-ups, some that require learning a new move but that happens at level up anyway so it barely feels different. Out of frustration I checked Bulbapedia and saw that a few require me to use the walk-around feature - which is sort of annoying because I'd actually tried that for quite a while with at least one of the right Pokemon, just not enough apparently! - and one requires me to have in-person friends, which I really hate because I've wanted a dolphin Pokemon for years and its evolution is called Serafin (I think?) but I can't get it!
At least nothing seems as bad as the ludicrous method for evolving into... that alternate Yamask evolution I can't recall the exact name of (Runeregis or something?). I saw that Gimmighoul requires me to collect 999 coins, which is annoying, but I suppose it at least makes some sense.
I'll be investigating any others as I try to train them though and am still trying to avoid all spoilers!
I think you've also done very impressive things! Few people can claim they've released several games, one that was as popular as MARDEK and one that was developed while recovering from a brain tumour.
I'm not sure what you're getting at with the next bit. People saying they're struggling and need help and evoking pity is common to every type of people asking for change. Not much different from big business owners crying into their wads of cash about how hard business has been and how they need lower taxes and bigger bailouts.
The open world thing is something that irks me, as that's the one thing people praise most about it, even through everything about the idea puts me off! Every step away from the grid-based, chunks of content that the old games used to have takes me out of the series.
Enforced positivity, or the compulsive need to 'avoid any and all drama' are pretty common in a lot of fandoms, and it's usually annoying. They stifle interesting and deep conversation, like if someone came into your blog and told you to cheer up and be happy. This happened recently in a Discord server I'm in, where every few hours a person would pop in and complain about how negative and whiny everybody was being, when everybody but him was having a good time.
You've already found the worst offenders with weird evolutions. Not as bad as the gen 8 ones, but I wish the game would help people out with this more. In Black/White 2 there was an NPC you could call who'd flat out tell you whether Pokémon can evolve, and if yes, how. GAME FREAK always does this thing where they put a good idea in their game and then it never comes back!